Watching To Let go
For a long time I always thought I was someone who was adept at 'letting go'. And, to date I do feel like I've learned to have short term memory with whatever events, triggers or disturbances effect my clarity or ability to live life unbothered. In that thought alone it is clear to me that I have yet to truly understand what letting go is.
For me to just say I'm quick to forget, whether its work, a relationship or the fact that some asshole didn't say thank you when I held the door open for them, may not exactly be truly releasing that bothersome energy. Time after time I literally forget what once bothered me til in the future whether days, months or years something reminds me of that event and in a millisecond I'm back in that space, again. Which tells me I never truly released it. What I've thought to be letting go may just be suppressing as opposed to an actual release and equates to an active volcano internally brewing subconsciously. Easier said than done; but, also simpler than we may think is that I've found, via recently reading, the importance is to watch the many energies around you and not get sucked into focusing on one. To be vigilant when we feel that pull. To realize that there is duality with the object of fear, frustration or *enter the emotion* and our consciousness. We do have the ability to watch the disturbance as opposed to getting engulfed in it.
By theory, it sounds great to not get consumed by whatever disruption it may be but HOW do we actually do it? What are the actual steps. I'm still figuring that out and it comes down to awareness and noticing what we feel and perhaps not fighting it by immediately trying to find a solution to spare us from this dismay. Seeing it pass by like watching traffic go by on a busy road. But, also not trying to focus on each individual car but see them all pass with one swoop of a view. I saw this as a fine line of being passive and avoiding conversations that need to be had but I don't think that means that either. We just need to feel what we feel, and not fight that feeling but in a way instill will power to not let that feeling suck you in. Once we realize that that feeling is an object and it is not YOU we are offered a solution to remain separate. In basic ass terms, just relax. As soon as some bullshit comes up I think you stop, drop those shoulders, take a deep breath and take seat like Ed Harris in The Truman Show and watch what's going on. As soon as you see we can actually watch is the moment you realize that emotion, event, feeling, those words are not YOU and you don't have to be dictated by that disturbance. Then we're free.
All this does not mean we are forever dismissed from disturbances and negative events/triggers it just means we have to continually do til eventually we don't fight life, we go with life. Because 'things' are always going to happen, it's life. It really is true we continually feel the need to control, control, control in order to feel safe. Maybe, we're not meant to feel safe. We create these narratives in our mind that life should be a certain way but how the hell do we know the way things should be or how do we know things won't be fine just cause they don't seem fine now. Even amongst the muck we can decide to feel okay. It's weird how comfortable we are in our ways that we claim we want to be liberated from. Sometimes it seems it's easier to sit in the darkness than to get up and turn the light on. Life often happens without the option of choice but the way we react and perceive is absolutely a choice we have.
"As long as you're watching, you're not getting lost in it" - The Untethered Soul
*This post was completely inspired and gathered from this book*